Will America Love Marmite?

August 25th, 2006 | Inspiration

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Have been recently thinking about the meaning of life and how n why we are here. I am too much of cynic to belive a God exists and plonked us here or shot off a space pod filled with miniscule pores that’d become the soup of life.

I’m a Darwinian man through and through. I cannot believe there is so much crap going on in USA about Design vs Darwin. To me it is as obvious as the noses on the Pope’s or the Head Mormon Fella’s and the Chief Rabbi or the Archbishop of Canterbury’s face - we are frigging monkeys! I mean don’t they realise the similarities every morning when they are bollock naked having their dump of the day on the crapper? Some hunchbacked draughtsman in God’s loft didn’t sit at his drawing board and draw out the homo sapien blueprint to some ethreal old fart’s instruction.

There are a lot of questions to ask about life and the planets and if there is an afterlife etc etc yada yada yada. These thoughts have pre-occupied the best thinkers and philosophers the world has known since time began and still there is no answer. Just I was about to call it quits, I had my eureka moment and it dawned on me that they’d been asking the wrong questions.

The only question to ask is: Will Americans Love Marmite?

Moer One of these or all of them!

6 comments ↓

#1 hash on 08.26.06 at 3:04 am

Not touching on any of the deeper topics in this post, I can tell you that I do NOT think Marmite will work in America, and this isn’t just because I detest it. Here are a few quotes for you from Americans who have tried it:

When I first came to this country I went to a friends house. He wanted a snack so he made himself some Marmite and toast. Being a naive yank and only 11 at the time I asked him what it was. He told me it was chocolate spread and gave me a spoonfull to try. Needless to say, I almost barfed on his toast.

I’ve never eaten it since and will never eat it again. It’s the most disgusting, vomit inducing, turd coloured paste you can imagine.

Marmite is hell on toast produced by the devils own satanic herd…

I breathe deeply, raise the toast to my mouth and bite.

That is not good. Not nice at all. It’s very salty and tastes vaguely alive. It’s like bad caviar blended into a paste. It tastes like the crust on a three year old bottle of Worcestershire sauce. The butter, it does nothing. I chew on. It doesn’t improve.

Marmite = Horrid English goop…. resembling axle grease. Made from dead animals.

Other great links:

Marmite Horror Story 1

Marmite Horror Story 2

I think you get my point. People go to great lengths, virtually breaking down in flowery poetic verse over their most horrible eating experience ever. Marmite represents all that is evil and wrong with the world.

#2 Boerseun on 08.26.06 at 6:15 am

I don’t think they will. We’ve been able to buy it in Publix, our grocery store for the past 10 years, and it’s still in the Ethnic food section with the other English croceries.

I have to agree with you on the God issue. I read a very interesting book a couple of years ago, and unfortunately lend it out and never got it back. I wish I knen the Title to buy it again, but in short;
It is a physics book explaining all the nitty gritty about black holes, dark matter, dimensions etc… the regular stuff, but with a twist.

It starts off the story explaining how we need to imagine how the current computer power will be in about a 100 years. The author continues to give you some mind candy and then urge you to go even further and imagine when a time comes and computers are not grey boxes anymore, connected through the internet, but more like a sixth sense where you think about looking up something in Google and the answer appears in you mind, or you think of calling your mom and like ESP she senses it and responds. Possible? I would say in a 1000 years, why not.

Anyway. After leaving the earth and moving on to other planets, and even galaxies, there comes a time when the human race dies out. This “computer” that now exist to control and assist in every part of the human world, suddenly has no function, no purpose, and no one to serve. Unfortunately this “computer” was programmed to serve, so it puts in place the right events and chemicals for human live to be recreated, thus starting the evolutionary process again.

This book had a huge influence on my thinking of God. Not that I think it happend how this author explained it, but it made me question why, if there is a God, he would have to “test” the creatures he created. How can he stand for Love, but self be like a mad scientist testing his subjects in a Lab? Do I believe in God? I don’t know, because what I consider God might not be the same deffinition as the next persons. I thik my believe at this point is probably closer to the Chines concept of the universal force they call Chi, and related concepts.

My 2c

#3 Rob on 08.27.06 at 7:46 am

Hash & Boerseun,
Thanks for responding. I appreciate the fact that in your opinions the USA will not make Marmite part of its pantry lists. There are over 200 million Americans and thus far only a fraction of a fraction of the entire population have ever tasted it. So there is hope. All I need is a Marmite evangelist to boost its ratings in America USA!

And the question is not at aimed at turning America into Marmite junkies. It is actually irrelevent and that is the point. Think about it. If nobody knows what the answers to life are then any question will suffice. It really doesn’t matter because the answer will always be questionable.

PS: trying to kid anyone that Marmite is chocolate isn’t going to win converts! Pre-set expectations do get dashed on the rocks when the real taste is revealed.

#4 CaZ on 08.28.06 at 7:29 am

Why are we here? I don’t know but according to Douglas Adams, the answer to the meaning of life, the universe and everything else is 42. If that doesn’t make sense to you, then I dont know what does.
And I may not be an American, but I detest marmite too.

#5 Martin on 08.29.06 at 12:19 pm