Was called Life 2.0 but then they Twittered into Life 3.0

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As we now enjoy the advent of Twitter to addictive levels I thought it appropriate to recall this post from 2007 to compliment the Trackside Communications piece below.

Don’t take this to heart! It is a cynical tongue in cheek nudge and a wink about the faddishness of our celebs and bloggers!

You know then that when your present life gets you down, you can always blindly follow the celebs and change to Life 3.0

Extensive surveys by the manufacturers of Life 3.0 suggest that more social interaction using Mouth v38.9, Vocal Chord v1.01, Tonsils Lite, Lips 3.0, Lungs Airexity ™ with a mix of either Skype, Standard Landline, mobile/cellphone with or without Hand or Headset as desired, may lead to a more fulfilling and happy state of being.

They also actually prescribe what in the old days was called, “face to face” contact or “eyeballing” that required a human to be transported from their domicile or place of work to be in close proximity to another human who also had to be transported to the agreed location too.

And provided a social interaction occurred mainly comprised of ’speech’ between the attendees, the ‘gathering’ was described as ‘pleasant’ and in this manner of interaction and communication, you would attain a level of benevolence and spiritual wellbeing not known previously. Back in those days this event was known as ‘talking’ and ‘meeting’ and thus ‘bonding’ with each other. Or maybe not. But it was regarded highly as the premier method of engaging with fellow human beings.

Almost all female placental mammals experience an oestrous cycle rather than the menstrual cycle of human and great ape females. The oestrus phase (Note that “oestrous” and “estrus” are separate words.) is when the female is fertile and typically exhibits mating behaviour. So if a female is in oestrus, she’s particularly yummy to any amorous male.

We now believe that current ‘engagement’ between humans in modern times now occurs inside structures called ‘clubs’. These establishments have been specifically designed as ‘pleasure’ venues and include vast arrays of flashing lights with very, very loud sounds which the frequenters at these clubs call ‘music’. Lyrics and melody with soft muted rhythmic bass line is optional. And when they engage each other to communicate physically, they wave their arms around and about their person, stomping their feet while swaying side to side and gyrating their hips into those of the female who mimics the same behaviour as the male in a display of what can only be ascribed to prehistoric or ‘caveman’ sexual arousal techniques.

When not participating in this activity, they gather at a modern watering hole called a bar where they imbibe in a frenzied manner as many specially fermented fruits as possible, while also engaging in an activity called ’shouting’ at each other. It seems this method of communication is the preferred style as compared to talking. Observers of this behaviour liken it to the behaviour patterns exhibited by a troupe of apes called ‘baboons’ in estrus. And as the decibel value within the confines of the club structure reaches alarming levels, it is no wonder that shouting among these primates occurs.

And then the attendees all go home when the sun rises. Before leaving, many females have previously gone to an area named the ‘toilet’, to crouch before a device that looks similar to a throne only to regurgitate all that they have consumed before. Strange phenomenon. A few males and females do not go further than a few yards past the exit of the club. Preferring instead to evacuate their stomachs in a ritualistic behaviour the purpose of which is only known to the attendees, and then remaining inert on the ground for as long as possible in a state called ‘coma’. Again baboons have also been observed in this type of behaviour after consuming a particular fruit. The probability of the inert attendees having a close genetic link to baboons cannot be dismissed and is fully deserving of further exploration.

CONCLUSION:
Such is Life and if you cannot go and meet someone for a coffee you will have the option of Life 3.0 to fall back on. It’s a shame really that we revert to social networking online via Twitter or whichever Social Network is temporarily the current rage.

Was called Life 3.0 but then they Twittered into Life 3.0