If this is your first visit at iScatterlings, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
Evaluating the Judge by Michael Neill
One of the concepts I found particularly confusing when I first began studying all things personal development was the idea that judging people or even judging ideas was bad and wrong. I tried many times to reconcile this particularly judgemental indictment of the practice of judging, and engaged in many debates in my head which usually wound up with my judging myself as an idiot for making too much out of such a seemingly straightforward concept.
What finally resolved the dillemma for me was the distinction between a judgement and an evaluation:
*A judgement will invariably be made in the context of a moral code or personal value structre, and will generally be expressed in some version of the words “good”, “bad”, “right” and “wrong”.
*An evaluation, on the other hand, is an assesment of the value of something made in the context of a specific goal or set of external criteria. It will usually be languaged in terms of
words like “useful or not useful” and “worthwhile” or not worthwhile”.
Here’s what I’ve learned in the intervening years:
In order to be successful in nearly any endeavour, the ability to make accurate evaluations is essential. Judgements, on the other hand, are not only optional but when made in the negative (i.e. “bad” and “wrong” tend to lead to suffering and remarkably often, violence.
Let me give you a few examples:
1. You want to do business with someone.
After a series of promising phone calls and meetings, they do something they absolutely promised you they wouldn’t do.
If you judge them as being “a bad person” and their behavior as “wrong” you will become emotionally agitated and either end the relationship in a storm of self-righteous invective or continue working with them under duress while placing them on “triple secret probation”.
If you are making an evaluation based on your business goals, you will either put clear agreements and consequences into place to prevent that kind of situation arising in the future, or you will end the relationship.
2. You have a habit you don’t like
If you judge the habit as “bad” or “wrong”, you are likely to spend a fair amount of time punishing yourself for having it and resisting your attempts to force yourself to stop doing it.
If you evaluate the habit to be taking you away from your desired outcomes (peace of mind, well-being, loving relationships, personal success, etc.), you can choose to ignore it, do less of it or eliminate it altogether. In the meantime, you are free to re-place your primary focus on creating the results you truly want.
3. You want something you’re not sure it’s OK for you to have
If you judge your desire as bad and wrong, you will likely do your best to abandon them while secretly wanting them all the more.
If you evaluate them in terms of useful or not useful in relation to the wider context of your life (i.e. will this make my life more wonderful or less wonderful?), it becomes considerably easier to make a quick decision to either pursue your desire or not without any accompanying sense of guilt or doubt.
So what does all this say about “judging” - should we do it or not?
As I’m sure you’ve already realized, it’s a trick question - “should” and “shouldn’t” only exist in the world of judgements. (ie: if it’s good/right we should, if it’s bad/wrong, we shouldn’t).
So let’s ask a different question, one based on an assessment or evaluation:
Given your goals in life, will the use of “judging” make us more or less likely to achieve them?
Well, to the extent that your goals in life revolve around being a “good” person and doing the “right” thing, then the answer is a resounding yes. To the extent that your goals in life center on happiness and material success, the answer is more likely to be no. The energy and vigilance it takes to sort through the countless and often contradictory moral imperatives put through by society can be better used in the simple practice of focusing on what you want and taking action to bring it into being.
Today’s Experiment:
1. Just for fun, live the next 24 hours without judging anyone or anything. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do - it’s just that today you’ll be not doing them because you don’t want to, not because you shouldn’t.
2. Choose one person in your life you’ve been judging and this week, take some time to evaluate whether or not you want to continue to spend time with them. If you decide you do want or feel that you have to, what would it be like to do so without any sense that they shouldn’t be the way that they are?
3.Give yourself the experience of “unapologetic wanting” this week. Simply allow yourself to want what you want without fear, guilt or shame. You don’t have to do anything about it - just enjoy feeling the simple energy of desire coursing through your body!
PS - Are you in the UK? Do you want to learn the secrets of “unreasonable happiness”?
On the 28th of April, I’ll be delivering my first ever public workshop on how simple, easy to learn techniques can leave you feeling happy and assist you in overcoming stress, anxiety and even depression!
To find out how to come along to the event, visit Michael’s Workshop detailWorkshop
WANT TO LEARN MORE?
Here are some of my favorite resources for exploring and evaluating life with and without “the judge“.
Books and Web Resources
*Feel Happy Now! by Michael Neill (pre-order)
*The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
*Power Dialogues by Barry Neil Kaufman
*You Can Have What You Want by Michael Neill
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1401911838/geniuscatalys-20
Go and get many more Inspirational Tips for a Better Life by clicking on the little picture below!
Copyright 2006 Michael Neill
