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Did you write that bestseller already?

Still not written that book? Hey buddy, you are wasting time. You are not going to endear yourself to the masses nor get your own fan club created if you do not write that book.

Versace designed logos don’t matter – you do

All the glitz that Mz Versace has in her storeroom will never ever make up for the fact that you are shallow.

If you think a glitzy shop sign, Prada jeans, CC sunglasses and hanging out with the A list is what business is about, baby are you in urgent need of a frigging reality check.

Get real. Get your head out of your arse, smell the coffee and get back to businees school 101

A TA meeting (Tossers Anonymous)

Are you able to recall those times when you lost your way and found yourself berating yourself for being so plainly selfish and for acting like a spoilt brat when people stopped listening? Sound familiar to some of you? Good because if you recognise it and acknowledge that you have acted like a prize tosser, then you will be able to rehabilitate yourself sooner rather than never.

Imagine it: “My name’s Dick & I am a tosser”!

Google me please!

Hey, I know what a blog with no visitors is like. You will not want to go there again will you?! It is a lonely place. Very quiet and after a while in solitude you begin to worry that the voices you hear are real. Also the loss of face is intensely embarrassing. Not to mention the loss of your Google ranking!

Concepts for Sale

Observe, collate then erect your stall with a great big CONCEPTS FOR SALE sign.

See the bosses scamper for safety! Watch the guruwannabes tailgate to your shop.

I’m all looped out man!

Life at the office can be come an endless hamster wheel of conversation loops. So much so, your brain can go on the fritz! Watch out. Errors can be made.

Don’t forget that the bonus and staff appraisal meeting you are in is not about the upcoming headcount redundancy programme! You won’t make friends this way.

Your staff say this and that and that too

Lesson #1 – Learn very quickly that those groups of people you employ have brains capable of rational thought. Good logical thought comes out of those heads. Tap into the staff braintrust. You will learn some stuff that will appall and stimulate you.

Lesson#2 – Learn very quickly that you are staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. So duck, run or ENGAGE them in conversation