Entries from April 2006 ↓

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Technobilge vs English, Xhosa, Zulu, Venda & Latin

For some years now I have become increasingly concerned at the increasing use of techno jargon and acronyms in everyday discussions and articles and the arrogant assumptions by the users of acronyms that we immediately know what is being discussed. If it annoys me that many of the acronyms used are not understood in English, please imagine the frustration non-English speaking people must have. To see what I mean, look at the relatively easy example below:

What If Media 2.0 Is Less Profitable Than Media 1.0?

A simple enough question but what is Media 1.0 and Media 2.0? If you did not know any better, I couldn’t blame you for probably thinking or guessing that the question relates to the profit margins between two similar products that a factory manufactures for resale. You would also be forgiven for thinking it was a question raised by a corporate accountant.

Well, you’d be wrong on both counts. The question does not relate to products and it was not asked by the type of person you’d immediately associate the question with.

Please speak plain english! Stop talking technobilge

Let’s face it, if you are wanting to sound as if you are on the edge then nothing beats tekkiebabble. You can really sound cute and up with it and in the zone when you do, but if half your audience think you are a prat for being so inconsiderate, please save our ears and your integrity by speaking plain english. Better still, explain to those blank looking faces what Media 2.0 or whatever the acronym is short for. You never know - you might go from nerdprat to guru in a couple of sentences and that is a good thing isn’t it?

iScatterling’s Saffer Traveller Manifesto (Part 1)

To those that will follow us into the diaspora, be careful and make certain that you or the member of your family is ready to leave home, is brave and can be counted on to be resolute in the face of severe adversity and will have more than enough money to survive 6 months without a job in a strange country because you will still have to pay rent (and pay out a deposit to the landlord), buy food, entertain yourself at the pubs and clubs, clothes washing at dank ‘n rank laundrettes, transport yourself by bus, train and bus to the pubs and clubs and to job interviews and also pay utility bills.

Onthou dat zero kontant = nil zol, nada poenda, geen vodka, no dancing, cheap pay as you go SIM cards with no international roaming, no internet cafe’, fokhol warm bedsit to go home to, missing out on job interviews, interviews, interviews en meer blerrie interviews, no buddies, dossing on other peeps sofas, snot en trane, plenty crying and whimpering ‘I wanna go home’ and then totsiens over and out, ek is huistoe!!

Whatever perception you may have about how you are going to knock ’em dead and ‘WOW!’ everyone in the country you select to move to, think again. In fact sit down now because you need to face up to the fact that you are going to find life to be not so cushy and easy as you are used to having it at home. Nee ou maatjie, no sonskyn, braaivleis en Chevrolet here! At least not for a while anyway.

Remember you are leaving your neighbourhood, your home, the comfort zone, your security, your roots to establish a new life in a host country that will demand that you meet and maintain certain standards which the citizens of the country you have chosen to go to, will expect you to honour and abide by. You must adopt their ways rather than the other way round where they accomodate you.

You must always regard their customs and standards as inviolate and never ever think you need not acknowledge and abide by them. Never ever conduct yourself in such a manner as to bring you, your country of origin and us ex-pats into disrepute. To do so shows total and singular disrespect toward your host(s) and their culture and to all of us as well.

As an incomer, you will bring with you different skills and also exciting and different ways of doing things. Please take your time about offloading all your different methods and ways of doing things. Sometimes what you accept as normal for a certain behaviour is actually considered impolite and frowned upon by your hosts. Just as you will want them to know your culture and that it differs in many ways to theirs, you must be first to grasp theirs. By understanding and being proactive about it and able to show them that you do care and will protect their customs, your life will begin to become easier.

The stress of your new life

Holy macaroni! Even before your plane lifts off the runway at Jhb or CPT to take you to your country of choice, you will have been exposed to one of the singlemost important differences between home and the new home to be – it is called the Forex Experience.

This is a depressing fact of life in the diaspora. Coming from Africa you will despair at how far your local currency does not go. This in itself is a major stress point.

…..to be continued
In Part II, a few pointers will be given on how to alleviate the financial burden and attendant worries you will be headed for.

Meanwhile, please feel free to comment , scale me out , protest that you do do all the good things (liar!) you mommie & dad told you to do while away from home etc etc. If you don’t agree - Bite my Web 2.0 butt! It’s my blog and I’ll party on anyway!
;0)

Woohoo! EA have announced the return of Command & Conquer.

Slotted for 2007 release, the new game is called Command & Conquer 3: The Tiberium Wars.

“We’re building a next generation Command & Conquer game that is true to the spirit of this classic franchise,” said Mike Verdu, Executive Producer at EA Los Angeles. The last release of a C&C game occured back in 2003.

Rock on!

Today, I have a craving for Hanepoort grapes. I could eat a ton of them. But I’m so tired of going to Tescos or any other supermarket in UK and buying grapes that have previously been frozen. Give me a fresh bunch of Hanepoort grapes anyday.

A search on Google for Hanepoot grapes brings up an interesting website in #1 slot. It is a website for a wine estate in the Cape called Slanghoek Wines.

Here is a bit of the introduction to Slanghoek:

“Slanghoek Cellar lies in the picturesque Slanghoek Valley, 880m above sea level, surrounded by the majestic Slanghoek Mountains from which the cellar derives its name. The cellar is a mere 4km from the Goudini Spa holiday resort, 20km from Worcester and 90km from Cape Town.”

Did you know that wine was first made in the Cape on 2nd February 1659?

Jan van Riebeeck, (governer of the colony), was very happy with the way grapes he planted flourished so well in the lee of Table Mountain. Van Riebeeck himself developed the hanepoot grape, which has a very distinctive sweet flavour.

The expertise of both Simon van der Stel, who came as governor in 1679, and the French Huguenots in 1688, did much to improve the quality of wine. Visitors to the Cape praised the Constantia wines. One reads of their popularity in England in the novels of Jane Austen, and Napoleon is said to have enjoyed Constantia wine during his exile on St Helena.

So, back to the Slanghoek Cellars. The estate was started back in 1951. It is interesting to see that the cellar in its current form was only established in 1987 and have racked up many, many awards of excellence since.

Recent awards include:

SA Champion with highest points for 5 best wines – 1997 to 2001, 2003 & 2004 - SA Record

SA Champion Noble Late Harvest - 1999, 2000, 2001 & 2002

Maybe we can organise a few iScatterling dinners, (like Hugh Macleod’s Geek dinners he organised with Stormhoek) with some free Slanghoek to lubricate the proceedings to see if the awards were merited??!!

Anyway, you can go read more about Slanghoek here

10 unusual accidents
(BBC)

Figures published by the Department of Health have revealed a huge range of unusual accidents which put people in hospital in England in 2004. Here is just a small sample.

1. Two people were admitted after being in contact with venomous spiders. Both stayed in hospital for five days.

2. 22 people suffered from exposure to ignition or melting of nightwear, most of them men.

3. 1,481 people, most of them children, were injured by hot drinks, and most needing an overnight stay in hospital.

4. Two people needed five days’ treatment after contact with centipedes or venomous millipedes.

5. 15 people were admitted after contact with a marine animal, needing an average of two days in hospital.

6. Four people had an average of two days’ treatment after exposure to vibrations.

7. 1,839 people - 78% of them children - fell out of trees.

8. 4,533 people fell when using ice-skates, skis, roller-skates or skateboards. 57% of them were under 15.

9. One girl needed an overnight stay after being “bitten or struck” by an alligator. (By comparison, 3,508 people were bitten or struck by dogs.)

10. One child was admitted to hospital after “prolonged stay in a weightless environment”. He or she did not stay overnight. There are no further details about who this person was or how they had come to need treatment.

Want to know how many countries can fit into Africa? Have a look here

There is one management rule I adopt vigorously - I do not do office politics. I am no good at it and it is a foolish gambit on my part if I do indulge because I will lose everytime.

In my opinion each company has a few specialist political players. These guys thrive on playing one person off against a pre-programmed set of circustamces or even more hidiously, against another political player or even against an innocent colleague.

So what to do if you find yourself in a situation where you are falling prey to an insiduous political battle?

Well I always let the players know that I know what they are doing and ask them not include me in their game until such time as they stop it and are feeling in a better more responsible frame of mind.

Some people think I alienate myself when I speak to the players like this and create a prime opportunity for them to diss me behind my back. I say - what the heck! If they are that childish and feel so belittled by my comment, then they deserve whatever happens as a result of their myopic view on the world.

I will not indulge them nor co-operate in their schemes.

I also advocate you should mix with people at work who do not play politics and are not backstabbers. These are the people who can get things done. You should too. Take on the less appealing projectwork. It keeps your head below the parapet, you busy doing good stuff and away from the time wasting backstabbers.

When I first became a corporate minion, I was pleased that the company’s senior management took an interest in me and the rest of the staff. How did I know they cared?

Well, the CEO and CFO and COO and any other O and line managers got off their arses and walked the floors saying hi to everyone. They did this at minimum twice a week. This informal ritual only took 30 minutes or less to let us see them and for them to see and get to know us.

Even when I changed jobs, the same thing happened at the new company and I was a happy drone. So were all the other drones and we felt great loyalty to our company and our bosses. They walked the floor and got to know who worked for them. In time, a familiar face would be spoken to and this recognition went a far way to further endearing the big boss to us drones. We were happy and at the company Xmas dances, we were able to relax in their presence and have fun. We also were handed our annual bonus letters by senior execs. This too made the worker/boss bond stronger.

We also got to go to the farewell parties when senior execs resigned or retired. And we all got to meet the new bosses when they started. We’d all be gathered together in the canteen or room that could accommodate the entire department or full workforce to be introduced to the new person. The big boss would do the introduction and bring the new boy onstage or out front and let him speak to us.

In this way we got to meet the new boss in the flesh. It helped break the ice especially when the time came for his first walkabout. It was a great way of leading the workforce. Morale always remained high and demotivation was quickly seen to if it set in. The leaders kept showing their faces to the most important component of the business – the workers.

The bosses knew that without a happy, loyal and motivated crew, their fatcat bonuses were pie in the sky. So they did the right thing, the simplest and easiest thing. They did what business leaders should do everyday and for cryingoutloud – there is no charge involved to expense. It is free.

What went wrong? Where did the relationship between worker and business owner/senior executives turn sour?

Which accountancy school that spawns the new model bosses decided that us drones are faceless expendable numbers? Which module was ripped out of the management manual? What spineless bosses elect to either never introduce themselves to their staff or if & when they do, they do it via emails, faxes and the new modern managers’ favourite, the impressive conference call instead of having the balls to stand up in front of his staff and say, “Hello, thank you for welcoming me here. My name is Paul and I am the new director for ……..etc?

What price good manners and respect for fellow workers?

Do you need a cure for that hangover? Yes? You do? OK, then suck on this can of O-Pur

“Even without the sceptre of a heavy night’s antics hanging over you, a distinct feeling of well-being does wash over you after a little session with O-Pur. Keep one next to the whisky and the Popshotz in your desk drawer”

Contains 8 litres of 99.5% pure oxygen, roughly enough for 80 deep breaths. Available here

You are? Oh joy of joys!!

Don’t despair. Oh okay then, do!

If you thought posters were naff and something your ma and pa bought back in the ‘70’s, think again. They are back big time but only for losers!

Yes, if you are full of the joys of doom n gloom and nothing about your life and work is right or happy or good or positive, then these posters are just made in heaven for you! They are absolutely a must have for every pessimist. Especially made to display on your 4×4 office or cubicle wall.

Every visitor will leave your work area feeling very inspired……….NOT!

“In fact, they’re the perfect antidote to all the optimistic, thigh-slapping drivel currently doing the rounds.”

Click here to see all five designs.”

Read full story for latest details.

It goes to show how far down the intergration road SA has come post 1994, when the ethics of adopting black children orphaned when their parents fell victim to the AIDS virus, is discussed at Mzansi Afrika. Cutlural deprivation appears to be the singlemost concern for the children.

I think love and a happy home environment is paramount. What say you?

I first found reference on Mike Industries’s blog which refers to this hilarious blog at Jeremy Keith’s Adactio which all leads back to Erik Sagen at Kartooner

Quote:
The Kartooner will star Bruce Willis in the title role. Bruce plays an impoverished artist in New York who pays his bills by drawing cartoons for the New York Times. Through a series of unfortunate accidents, Bruce’s character mistakenly becomes the target of a Mafia hit squad and must use all his wits (as well as his artistic skills) to stay alive. Needless to say I cannot divulge any further plot details.

UPDATE:
The story goes on and concludes here

Why are South Africans so patriotic? What makes them so passionate about their country? Why do the hairs on the back of their neck stand up?

It’s an interesting question, and we’d really appreciate it if you’d share your reason with us.

Download the podcast here and post a comment here

OneAfrikan has this interesting article: InternAfrica